First Time

We may experience many things in this life. And the most unforgettable experiences are those that we experienced for the first time. We may experience something again but it won’t be as good or as bad as the first time that it happened to us. Doing something for the first time is the most exciting event in our lives. You will feel all kinds of feelings. You may feel excited, fearful, worried, happy, etcetera. We will never know what might happen if we don’t try doing it.

At this age, I have experienced many things already. I experienced failing on some exams, being scolded by teachers because of my wrong doings, being hurt because of an accident (including my electric shock when I was on high school), I also knew what alcohol tastes like and its effects on my body. These experiences may have affected the way I live my life today. I’d like to experience again some of them, and I want to forget the rest which are the bad memories or the ones in which I got hurt.

These first time experiences aren’t happening just for nothing. They teach us many things and they act as our preparations for the future, especially independence. We might get hurt sometimes, but we won’t learn if it won’t happen to us. We wouldn’t know how it feels and what its effects are if we don’t have a chance to try or experience it. Every situation that will happen to you for the first time will give you lessons, even though some of them are only small lessons to be learned.

In this life, the most beautiful and most painful experience is to fall in love. Love is something you shouldn’t really search for; you need to wait for it so it will be more exciting. And for the first time, I fell in love with someone. He’s an Indonesian boy, almost two years younger than me. We haven’t met personally. We can only talk via internet. It may sound pathetic, but I know what I feel is right. Besides, our relationship is more exciting than anyone else’s. I remember the first time he said “I love you” to me. It’s the best time in my life. Not because that no one ever told that line to me before, but it’s because I felt the same way too. I tried to deny it at first, but with the help of analysis, I just proved that what I’m feeling is right. And to tell you the truth, I don’t know what I felt that time, I just can’t explain it. It’s like I’ve lost my mind. And I don’t know why it happened, I already had the feeling that he wants to say it to me for a long time. We have constant communication for three weeks that time, and within that three weeks, a feeling was formed. Yes, it’s hard to believe. I even asked someone if it’s possible to fall in love within three weeks after you’ve known each other. It’s the first time that I fell in love for such a short time. And it’s also the first time that I told someone that I love him. I may have told it to someone else before, but it was during elementary days. No one falls in love for real that time. To tell someone you love him (or her) is the most difficult thing to do. Even if you know what you want to tell, you just won’t find the words to say it right. As for my case, I put a little bit of challenge for him to understand what I want to say. While we were chatting on Facebook, I said to him that I’d say something in Tagalog and he must find its translation. I said “mahal din kita, hindi ko lang masabi” and then I logged out. I’m sure he got shocked that time. The only thing I didn’t know is that he knows what “mahal kita” means, which made my challenge a little bit of failure.  When I said those words to him, I can’t stop thinking about it, even when we got to church. I was excited to go home and a bit nervous too (and maybe a bit shy). But because of that, we were able to get into a relationship that’s better than the others’.

I just read a quote that my classmate sent me. It says:

“A sweet truth:

When God knows you’re ready for the responsibility of commitment, he’ll reveal the right person under the right circumstances. Wait patiently. Don’t waste your time searching and wishing. Grow and be ready, you’ll see, God will give you a love story far better than you could ever dream of.”

It made me smile and I said to myself “I’m lucky that even though I didn’t have anyone for the past eighteen years; God gave me someone I didn’t even ask for.” He was someone who’s too good to be true. He’s so understanding, unlike any other guys out there, very loyal, and very honest. I never did expect that I’d fall for him, primarily because we’re from different races and we just knew each other from an online game. Love really makes miracles, I suppose.

My first love story had just begun. And it started with a very cute beginning. I want this story to go on and never end. Not because I’m afraid to be hurt for the first time, but because it’s the best story I could ever imagine, wherein love can conquer distance and racial differences. And by the way, it really is a good thing that I learned the English language so I don’t have a hard time talking to him in English.J